Thursday, September 08, 2005

Bush declares War on God

Crawford, Texas: President Bush called a meeting of his war cabinet today to discuss what "options" he could take to punish God for Hurricane Katrina. Bush said "My Administration has been very good to God, we have been promoting Intelligent Design, traditional family values, the Ten Commandments and faith based initiatives. This attack was unprovoked and uncalled for. Just last month during one of my frequent conversations with God I had told him that my poll numbers were shit and he promised that he would take care of it and now this."

Mr Bush also added that he had "misunderestimated" God and "all options including the nuclear option are now on the table"

Secretary of Defense, Don Rumsfeld stated that the Pentagon was considering adding Heaven to the axis of evil. Mr Rumsfeld also added that "There are known knowns, known unknowns and unknown unknowns but the known known is that God is a Republican and for Him to allow this to happen during the Presidents much needed seven week summer vacation is unpardonable"

Condoleeza Rice who was not at the ranch interrupted her shoe shopping on 5th Avenue to say that the next time she saw God she was "gonna put some caps in his ass"

Dick Cheney was on a hunting trip with Justice Scalia and was unavailable for comment.


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